Does Your Loved One Truly Feel Loved?

By Ghosia Ahmed, Mental Health Advocate and Psychology Writer

We often assume that love, once expressed, is always felt. But the truth is—love can get lost in translation. You may be giving all you have, but does your loved one actually feel loved?
This question isn't just poetic—it's psychological.

As parents, we protect, provide, and often sacrifice. But somewhere between school runs, responsibilities, and routines, emotional connection can quietly slip away. Children, at different stages of development, interpret love in different ways. And sometimes, despite our best intentions, they grow up feeling emotionally distant.

Let’s explore how love is misunderstood, how parenting styles shape perception, and what it takes to reconnect meaningfully.

The Emotional Disconnect Is Real

Across the world—and in India in particular—there’s a growing emotional gap between parents and children. A 2021 study published in the Indian Journal of Psychiatry revealed that nearly half of Indian adolescents report experiencing emotional tension with their parents. This often stems from lack of communication, unrealistic academic expectations, or emotional unavailability.

And it’s not always loud. Sometimes, it’s silent. Children start to withdraw, mask their feelings, or lose the ability to express themselves. Over time, they feel unseen.

When the Bond Weakens: What Children Experience

Psychologically, the parent-child relationship forms the basis of a child’s emotional blueprint. When this foundation feels unsafe or disconnected, children may struggle with anxiety, develop low self-worth, or act out in ways that seem like rebellion but are actually emotional protests.

Many become quiet, people-pleasing, or excessively independent—not because they’re naturally that way, but because they’ve learned that vulnerability doesn’t feel safe at home.

Where Do These Strains Begin?

Often, emotional gaps don’t start with big events. They build over time through small patterns:

• Parents may unknowingly impose unrealistic expectations
• They might dismiss emotions in an attempt to build resilience
• Life gets busy—presence becomes physical, not emotional
• Sometimes, a parent's own unresolved childhood shapes their current parenting

These aren’t signs of failure—they’re signs of unconscious parenting. And the good news? Awareness opens the door to change.

What Parenting Styles Say About Us—and Shape in Our Children

Psychologists identify four primary parenting styles, each of which leaves a lasting impact:

1. Authoritative parenting is balanced: high on warmth and high on structure. Children raised this way tend to be emotionally intelligent, responsible, and secure in themselves.
2. Authoritarian parenting is strict and control-heavy. Though well-intentioned, it often lacks emotional softness. Children raised in such environments may grow up anxious, avoidant, or deeply self-critical.
3. Permissive parenting is very nurturing but low on boundaries. These children often feel loved but lack the ability to regulate themselves. Over time, this can lead to entitlement, poor frustration tolerance, and difficulty respecting limits. This is the parenting style most likely to spoil a child—offering freedom without structure.
4. Neglectful parenting is low on both warmth and control. These children often feel invisible, emotionally neglected, or confused about their self-worth. Though not “spoiled,” they may act out to get the attention they’ve been missing.

Spoiling, in a psychological sense, happens when love is present but guidance is missing.
The healthiest approach is authoritative parenting, which creates a safe yet structured environment where a child can thrive.

If Your Bond Feels Strained—Here’s How You Can Reconnect

Emotional distance doesn’t mean emotional damage. Bonds can be repaired—and even strengthened—when met with intention.

• Show emotional curiosity: ask what your child feels, not just what they’re doing
• Replace blame with vulnerability: “I miss being close to you” can go further than “Why are you always distant?”
• Set aside time for presence without agenda—walks, meals, creative time
• Listen actively, not to correct but to understand
• Let their opinions matter; respect their growing voice
• When needed, seek help. Apps like Trusme connect families with licensed therapists and counselors who specialize in restoring emotional closeness and communication

Rebuilding connection starts with listening—not fixing.

Understanding the Language of Love (Age-wise Pointers)

Toddlers (1–3 years)
Love = gentle physical presence and predictability
→ Respond to cuddles, soothing tone, and secure routine

Preschoolers (4–6 years)
Love = shared laughter and emotional celebration
→ Feel loved through play, attention, and enthusiastic praise

Pre-teens (7–12 years)
Love = quality time, shared choices, and emotional safety
→ Need to feel heard and included

Teenagers (13–18 years)
Love = being accepted without being “fixed”
→ Crave space, trust, and understanding

Young Adults (18+ years)
Love = support, validation, and mutual respect
→ Value autonomy with emotional backup

When parents speak their child’s love language, the emotional bond naturally strengthens.

A Final Thought from Psychology and the Heart

“Children begin by loving their parents; after a time they judge them; rarely, if ever, do they forgive them — unless the parents take the first step.”
— Oscar Wilde

Parenting is not about being perfect—it’s about being present.
Start where you are. Speak your love. Listen more. Guide gently.
Because when love is both given and felt—healing happens.